I would like to share this article I wrote once for our UN newsletter about preteen years. Some girls are having their period at primary school, how can parents cope up with it?

 Colleen had had her period two days after she became 13 years old. She was already in high school. It was not so much a dramatic day although very unexpected. We were having our tour n San Diego in 2003, she was wearing a white skirt and a blue top that day when all of a sudden she said "Mom can you come with me in the comfort room". So we went together and she confirmed something is finally there. I had advise Colleen the day she started to have some white discharges to start wearing panty shields. On top of her panty shield in place, she has added kit in her bag, a small pouch with a tiny napkin for hard days. When that most awaited day for pre-teen came, she was ready but mostly psychologically at ease."No stains on white" ika nga. We had talked about it, I gave her some guidelines and tips regarding puberty and she was very inquisitive about it and she does understood the impact of it in a woman's life. For safety reasons, I have tackle as well the danger of that, for her to have a sideview of the subject without being an alarmist.

In school, some kids her  age are bigger than her, taller than her. Each girl changes at such different rates. We call them middle-schoolers, preteens and preadolescents, yet a thing in common is each of them is expecting something that will change their lives in a way.

 Let me share with you some of my points then with Colleen

Many girls who mature early feel 'different' from their friends but reassure her that her peers will soon catch up. Boys tend to cope better as they feel proud of being bigger, taller and stronger. That's my Alexandre, he likes even to fake his voice asking me if he has already his Adam's apple

>Be positive about changes
Tender breasts, increased body hair, vaginal discharge, period pain and adult body odour can be upsetting. As a mother, I tried to reinforce Colleen's self-image and support her with positive help, emphasizing that these changes are just a new stage in a girl's life.

Don't judge by her appearance
Your daughter may look like an adult but don't expect her to behave like one. Emotional maturity doesn't necessarily keep pace with physical development. Allow her to 'act her age' if she wants to. The fluctuations in emotions that occur during her monthly cycle, may be difficult to deal with at first. She may be weepy and irritable and not understand what is happening to her. Talk to her, buy a good book and discuss its contents with her . Colleen was very appreciative of this. She had her first in August and the next one came in February, the next year. In the beginning she was worried until I explained to her the change of cycle in her hormonal system. Our doctor gave her the same explanations. I urged her to ask her own questions then she can freely express her physical changes and whatever she has that makes her uncomfortable and was happy to be answered in reassuring medical terms.

My Observations

*  Preteens often feel awkward and insecure because of the physical changes they are undergoing. And just when they most want to be like everyone else, their friends are all maturing at different rates. Typically, preadolescents become preoccupied with how they look. Colleen has spent more time in front of the mirror-deciding whether to wear her blouse tucked in or hanging out, and fussing with her hair. She likes to style her hair straight and sometimes curly although I told her that she needs less to be beautiful as she has already natural features, she will just hug me if I say that and say "thanks, mom"

*       Preteens rely on their friends and feel the need to belong. Their group gives them a sense of security--and, often, it seems as if friends replace family as the center of a child's life. But this can also be a turbulent time for friendships or relationships. As old friends drift apart, kids can feel hurt and parents worry whether or how to intervene. Im bless to have a very close relationship with Colleen. She is open with me and am always all ears for her when she is in the sharing moods. I can still giggle with her but most of all, I can always be a friend to her for all times. I don't criticise her decision. If ever it's not something within my norms, i tried to brief her in ways informative and not destructive. She has these broadmindedness I am truly amazed yet when she becomes emotional, mommy can just bite her lip when she says things straight to the point. Aha, something new. I realized then, my baby has grown up and has her own mind, analytical in most ways yet she still have to learn how to express it. And at that very moment I say my thoughts. She has reckoned to the goodside of the language, teens have a funny way of communicating sometimes. what sounds good to them can be an impolite one to parents so we should let them know right there and then. The influencing surroundings of the expat life with friends having different cultures can't be discounted in our case. Kids are flexible and their adaptability specially when they are with friends comes easy. But for as long as they are well followed, supervised and well advised when something is not correct, I guess, parents we will not have surprises. So much so, we have our foundations for them to anchor to.

*       Preteens test limits and challenge rule. They have developed some strong opinions, often want to do things their way and don't hesitate to state their case and argue with you. She shaved her underarm when many times I told her that shaving will increase the volume of underarm hair. She has her reasons and it's done. I guess,the general rule that teens assert their individuality and protect themselves against what they consider to be arbitrary rules, they have a tendency to deny anything that seems to put them in a bad light. This is just objectively said yet it can be a real issue between parents and child. Are we armed with this? For us, knowing their activity is one part, listening to them is another. Imparting ideas in a humoristic way is one way helpful. We can't just be serious with them always. But we can't be that loose too. They know the limits, tried to test if it works. It's for us parents to know when our firmness can be stretched within reasonable bounds.

*       Preteens want privacy. Colleen doesn't want to talk to her friends on the phone where anyone can hear. She closes the door when she gets dressed. She doesn't ask me what she should wear anymore, and when she decides on an outfit or how to do her hair, she changes it a few minutes later because she's not sure how she wants to look. Am getting new dosage of new things. am surprise yet slowly admitting a new stage, she is growing up in another sense.

*  Preteens are beginning to have a social conscience. They are becoming aware of and interested in issues that affect society--she is willing to help out an assoication for street children, or ready to participate for a good cause. Once, Phil embassy invited her to be one of the mutya for the phil independence day night, they wanted her to join the beauty contest. She doesn't want and we never push Colleen in this kind of activity but when embassy people told her that the proceeds of the contest will be given to the street children, she was all willing to do it. It was rather an unexpected reaction. Steph and I were there to support her. She went around with a basket from one guest to the next and spectators who were active did participate in contributing something and she got the 2nd price. I was asked why I did not put money to let her win, I answered the organizers, "we gave her the worth we wanted to help the street children not to let her win". That experience hightens Colleen's curiousity of life with the less fortunates. She has this innate wish since she was five years old. We were in Chad, in a village, distributing candies and when she saw the kids naked and some with wrapped around fabric, she asked me "why we did not bring them clothes".

*    Preteens on the whole are quite wonderful. In the stage of critical changes, physically, emotionally and psychologically, Colleen and Alex have little change to sum up. We get to handle their moods. We get to handle these petty changes in them. They have such a wholesome personality, they never miss the rituals that makes dad and mom proud of them. They never forget the values instilled to them and stay as lovable as can be. They are active, energetic, enthusiastic and eager to learn just anything. They are capable of learning a third or fourth language, creating pieces of art and writing that are amazingly profound. Colleen loves to write poetry. She writes her own song and she already have a cd while Alex is a devout sport's enthusiast. Among others, he plays tennis way beyond his age. And they are more responsible as a kid, we did not expect it sooner. I guess, as we follow through their lives, we will always have surprises yet the thought of having invested a good foundation gives us an assurance and confidence that we did our part.

One day they have to be on their own and will decide themselves for their own destiny wishing it will have a blessing from above.

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